Motorcycles

Figure 1: A bizarre French front wheel drive motorbike called the VeloSolex. I put way too many miles on one of these things as a kid. This image is from the Wikipedia article on the VeloSolex, though I have rehosted it to be a good internet citizen.

Needless to say, after just about a dozen years away from all of that, I looked back through the eyes of a person who has lived a little bit more of life. The first thing I figured I ought to do was forget about all of that nonsense lest I damage myself or anger some officer of the law.

Step 1: Negotiations with the authorities begin. I went to the DMV, and answered 20 questions that basically amounted to:

"If you have been drinking should you
a) Ride home as fast as possible to minimized your time on the road while intoxicated
b) Ride without a helmet so the wind will keep you alert
c) Drink some coffee to counteract the booze before riding
d) Not ride"

In all seriousness, I can't understand how I can answer a couple of questions and then be permitted to ride around on whatever I want (albeit with supervision, but how that would prevent me from plastering myself into a sign post I have no idea. Does someone make some kind of trainer bike with dual controls of which I am not aware?). Regardless, I received a class M learner's permit and promptly discovered that the logic of my friends made up for the lack thereof inherent in the DMV quiz process in that no one would actually permit me to ride a motorcycle. It was clear that further action would be required on my part.

Step 2: Buy gear. Helmet? Check (Figure 2). Gloves? Check (Figure 3). Jacket and pants with cool armor plating? Righteous (Figures 4 and 5, respectively). Boots? Steel toe even (Figure 6). Alright, ready to ride? Not quite it seems. None of my buddies seem all that keen on allowing me to use their machines to turn myself into a projectile, even if I did show some promise of bouncing a bit. I guess I will have to take a more direct approach.

Figure 2: My helmet, an HJC AC-12. I like it a lot, though it tends to fog a bit in the cold, and it is a bit noisy when traveling quickly, though for all I know that could be completely normal.

Figure 3: Alpinestar SP-S gloves. I like these as well. They are pretty comfortable, and although the faux carbon fiber looks odd, there is a good amount of material over my knuckles should they ever be attacked by any rouge pavement.

Figure 4: FirstGear Tach LT Jacket. This fits me just right, and the armor in the shoulders and elbows/forearms seems substantial. I like that it is a split between leather on the likely impact points, and lighter textile on the rest. I was going to go all textile, but this was about the same price. I especially like that it doesn't have a lot of ostentatious badging on it like some jackets seem to have.

Figure 5: FirstGear HT II Overpants. Another solid piece of kit. I added some CE armor to the knees (I spent most of my youth with no skin on my knees, and am not eager to revisit that). They fit just swell over my street clothes and zip up the sides for easy removal, so I just ride to work, shuck them off, and go about my day. They even have a zipper that mates with the jacket and prevents the two from separating in the back, which is great for cold weather, and presumably will provide better protection should I take a digger.

Figure 6: Red Wing steel toe boots. These are the most comfortable boots I have ever owned, and actually the most comfortable shoes period that I have ever owned despite being rather stiff. On top of all of that, they have proved their worth by eating the downward momentum of a motorcycle for me (read on).

Step 3: Buy a bike (And this is the step I will confess I took out of order. Should have gone directly to 4, though in this case my overdeveloped sense of fear and caution saved me). A 1987 BMW K75 with 14K on the odometer for just under $1k (Figures 7-13). A New battery, fresh oil and coolant, a bit more negotiating with the DMV and an insurance company, and an inspection and I have a fully 100% legal motorcycle that I am fully 100% legally allowed to ride so long as someone is there to babysit me.

Figure 7: A 1987 BMW K75. For a 20 year old bike it seems to be in remarkable shape. This model has a three cylinder engine that lies on its side. That is to say, all three pistons are inline, front to back, and point towards the left side of the bike, 90 degrees from vertical. The finned cover with the 6 bolts and the black center section that says "BMW" is the valve cover, right on top of the cylinder head. Because of this design, if the bike is put onto the side stand when it is warm, oil can run down into the combustion chambers resulting in smoke on startup. I have found that a remedy to this (besides the obvious use of the center stand) is to lean the bike over to the opposite side for a few seconds after it is shut off and before placing it on the side stand. Regardless, that is a weird design flaw for a company renowned for their engineering prowess and a history of making bikes with horizontally oriented cylinders.

Figure 8: I didn't notice until after I bought it (and actually my father pointed it out) but the bike has the same characteristic BMW radiator grill that the cars have. A nice subtle design touch. This is also my favorite picture of the bike, though I of course welcome you to form your own opinions.

Figure 9: I needed to repair the brake light switch on the rear brake lever. To accomplish that I had to remove the entire lever and foot peg mounting bracket from the right hand side of the bike. I also needed to adjust the drum brake, which makes sense now that I think about it, since how would a vehicle without reverse have an automatically adjusting drum brake? On the topic of reverse, when I was first backing the bike into the garage, my mother came out to criticize me, and asked why I didn't just put it in reverse and back it in instead of struggling with the thing (it weighs 500lb or so). It took me a minute of staring blankly at her to realize that she was being serious.

Figure 10: The bike has an interesting single sided swing arm. The motive power is supplied to the rear wheel via a drive shaft that runs down the swing arm, which I have come to understand is BMW's thing with these bikes. The net result is that I can change the rear tire by removing lug nuts just like a car, without the need to pull an axle shaft.

Figure 11: The console. This is overall a very pleasant bike to ride, with a fairly upright riding posture. The one thing I don't like is the turn signal setup, which is different from every non-BMW I have ever seen. There is one switch on each side for the respective signals, and a third switch under the engine shutoff on the right side to cancel the signal. Weird.

Figure 12: It came with that German crest on it. I asked a German friend at work what it was, and he explained that it was the crest of the Federal Republic of Germany. He is a really interesting guy. He learned to weld while assembling U-Boats during WW2, and is one of the nicest people I know.

Figure 13: I kind of think that the cowl makes the front look funny. I am on the fence about it.

So everything is squared away, right? Time to hit the road? Hmmm . . . not quite. It seems that having gotten this thing, and sat on it, and worked on it a bit has made me think about what I am doing. Pulling the bike up and down the driveway convinces me that I am absolutely terrified of it, and I firmly believe that we make the things we are scared of dangerous, whether they are or not (and motorcycles are even on the "are" side of that to begin with). No, It seems that I am not ready yet. What to do?

Step 4: MSF. That's right, you thought that after all my rambling and babbling you were going to have to give me the MSF lecture, eh? Nope, I signed up and took the course, and it was definitely the right call. They teach so much that I would never have clairvoyantly figured out on my own (the application of gyroscopic procession to steer is a good example). Anyway, took the course, learned a lot, and passed.

I also crashed during the class (on their bike, not mine. Woohoo, I guess, though I still felt like an idiot). It is said that there are two types of riders; those who have been down and those who will go down. I fall squarely in the former group, much to my chagrin, but it was low speed(ish) and aside from some bruises and rash, I was just fine. Why did I crash you ask? Well, it seems that motorcycles lean over when they turn, and if you try and stop while the bike it leaning over, it won't magically right itself, preferring instead to just humor gravity and fall over. It definitely gave me an appreciation for not wanting to do that again. After all of that, it was one last negotiation with the DMV and I am now a fully licensed motorcycle operator.

As an interesting note, fully one third of my class of twelve did not pass the course. One guy just had a few too many penalties after the test, one girl crashed during the test (an automatic failure, though you are allowed to crash all you want during the exercises that lead up to the test, which is lucky for me), and one older gentleman just couldn't move his foot well enough to work the gear shift (which was sad, as he was nice). Those talented mathematicians in the group will note that three is not one third of twelve. That brings us to failure number 4 (well, not chronologically, but the story tells better this way). This one young lady in the group didn't understand anything about how a motorcycle works, which is not necessarily a problem as this was a beginner class after all, but when coupled with the fact that she was also unable or unwilling to follow instructions it created a big problem. We were all working on rocking the bikes back and forth to find the "friction zone", and while we all quickly progressed to tootling back and forth across the parking lot, this particular student just couldn't get it. The instructor very patiently explained that she needed to gently roll on the throttle, and ease off the clutch. Well, this girl treated those two actions as binary; full throttle, dump the clutch. Much to everyone's surprise (especially the student's), even on an old abused 250 training bike, full throttle+dump clutch=wheelie. That terrified everyone, and ended her day. No injuries though, and as a silver lining it made everyone else a bit more cautious, showing that these were in fact real motorbikes which would not tolerate inattentive operation.

Step 5: Ride around. I rode out the last month or so of nice weather for the season, and now anxiously await the coming of spring, or any unseasonably nice days that might care to grace us in the interim. I have been riding around for some 600 something miles thus far, and I feel like I have progressed to the point of being a beginner motorcyclist (before the practice, I couldn't call myself a motorcyclist of any kind; I was just a goon on a bike). I look forward to learning more, enjoying the new skill set I am trying to develop, and hopefully remaining safe.

That chronicles my initiation into the world of motorcycle riding. If you think that it is something that might be for you, I have one piece of advice; go talk to someone that knows what they are talking about. Seriously, I have been riding for just a few months, so taking my story as any kind of complete lesson on how to learn to ride would be at best foolish and at worst dangerous. I only managed to pull this off because of advice and guidance from friends who are experienced riders. Find yourself some of those and enlist their aid.

I welcome your questions, comments, and concerns.